Observations vs. Criticism

"The problem with you is that you are too judgmental"she said. "The problem with you......", " We need to talk","You're not going to wear that shirt are you?"."Does this make my butt look big?","She's attractive isn't she?" I have never heard these words said any way but female to male. Men don't talk that way to each other. These are oblique words, pregnant with meaning and I've learned to duck them and slip away hoping that the subject won't come up again.

"Judgmental?"says I,"No I'm just making an observation. It is up to the listener to use their own critical faculties to make their own judgment."I'm in trouble now and tripping defensively over my own tongue. I forgot about ducking and slipping away.

I had previously remarked about my frustration with an informal,unstructured survey about area resident's artistic taste preferences.I was having difficulty finding anyone with any opinions whatsoever. No favorite music, no favorite paintings, best film, worst film? Nothing. "You are asking things that are not in their realm of experience",my friend said. "Can you name the world's foremost mountain climber? She had me there, but at least I came up with "Lars Oevald" but she didn't buy it. The relevency threw me for a second but I continued on. "I'm just looking for opinions , there are no points, no contest, I am not Alex Trebek". I've also found that I'm not a good poll taker. I find myself leading them to my favorites "Picasso was fantastic wasn't he? You like Picasso?" This is bad poll taking but I was driven to this by a (midwestern?) tendency to remain non committal.

The "Judgmental " label was conferred on me when I related my discussion with Kim, a single 38 year old college graduate: "Favorite Music?, I do not like Music", "No, I have always hated music as a distraction and never found it interesting like my girlfriends did" "My hearing is excellent,music just doesn't interest me." "I have never bought a record or a tape."

Before relating Kim's remarks to my friend I said, "I HAVE MET A SOULLESS ZOMBIE!" OK,maybe this was too harsh but I was wondering what life would be without music and a shudder went through me. Why,even those with total hearing loss can enjoy the beat and tones of an orchestra.No kidding,my dog will lie down and roll over in total relaxation to Ravel's "Bolero". Who doesn't sing to themselves or belt one out in the shower?

"She's just not into music and you are unfair to call her soulless"I was told. I'm still thinking that there must be some psychological disorder and wondering if there was a Piper Laurie character looming over six year old Kim forcing her to do piano scales five hours a day. Couldn't I just sit her down to Miles Davis's "Kinda Blue" or Copeland's "Appalachian Spring"? Can't we have two bottles of wine and start singing "Those were the Days"? or "All The Young Dudes"? The musical soundtracks in our mind help us get through the day do they not? I had a mother in law who was constantly humming to herself as a defense against the raucous noise of ten kids. The first line of Kenny Roger's "Ruby" was stuck in my head for years("You painted up your lips,etc,.........") until I gave it away.(and now it's yours!) I loved last year's VW commercial with the metronomic music matching the beat of the city outside the windows of the car. Haven't all of us sang and splashed in rainy puddles swinging an umbrella just like Gene Kelly? You haven't? Well uh,...some of us have I'll bet.

"She just doesn't like music and yes, you are too critical and judgmental". Allright,so be it,I am judgmental and critical that's the way it is. It seems to me that if there is a barometer of "aliens amongst us" this music thing would be a good test.

I have suspended my poll taking for the time being. Only recently I myself would have guessed that Marshall Faulk and Kurt Warner were the two top aides to Kaiser Wilhelm in 1917 Germany and this would not have even been close would it? This just hasn't been in my "realm of experience".

I ran into Kim the other day and we exchanged hellos but a chilly feeling came over me and I just moved along, critical bastard that I am. Later, I rented Don Siegel's original version of "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"

G.T.